Hello friends! Over the past few weeks, I've been doing a lot of "just doing." I thought I'd share my experiences with you, and hopefully this helps people like me who have a hard time with the whole concept of "just doing."
Let me start by saying I'm a chronic over thinker. If you give me a simple task, I can easily think of every way something can go wrong. So naturally when I have to decide things for myself, it's nearly impossible. I have a book of excuses ready to deflect anything that has the slightest potential to go wrong, making it hard to do anything. And forget being spontaneous. My brain goes into overdrive and I'm surprised I haven't caused some sort of implosion within myself because of that.
So you may be asking, "How can you 'just do' anything if you're always like that?" Well, most of it is a change of mindset. I finally admitted to myself that I was really unhappy, and that nobody could change that except me.
The first step to being happier was cutting off all the negative people in my life. I had people I was still calling friends who just made me miserable, and for the most ridiculous reasons. Some I haven't spoken to in a few months (happily), and they try to reenter my life relentlessly through social media. Apparently, three rejections to follow isn't sending a clear enough message. Another "friend" was just so negative about everything I did; I once posted a picture of my family and me and she commented that she "see[s] how it is." It was my family, for goodness sake! Needless to say, having those people out of my life is a big relief.
Next, I needed something (or a few things) to occupy my time. School was about to end for the summer, giving me four months to either waste or make the most of. I went out and bought a bunch of craft supplies for things I've been meaning to do, baking supplies to fuel my baking kick, books to keep my mind going, and found a job that feels fulfilling. I work part-time, so it's enough to feel like I'm doing something productive (and make connections for after I graduate in a few years), but not so much to drain me. And through that job, actually, I found the confidence for my third step.
Before we get there, I have a few more confessions: I'm ridiculously shy, so talking to people is hard enough on its own, but that shyness often comes across as mean or anti-social even though I don't mean it to be. I also have never been on a date or really ever talked to a boy in a not-forced environment. So you can see that this all sets me up for success in the quest not to die alone.
Anyway, there was a boy (eek!) my age at the place I work (I say "was" because yesterday was his last day), and oh goodness, he is perfect. 99.9% of the time, I never act on my emotions and my golden rule is to keep everything bottled in, but something in me told me not to let him go so easily. He's moving away for the next six months, but I'd at least like to get to know him in that time, even if nothing happens (although something happening would be great). I Googled what to do last night (because Google is the oracle of all answers), and saw a situation similar to mine posted in a forum. The response is what stuck with me: Regardless of the outcome, the only losing situation is the one you're in now. The worst that can happen is for him not to be interested, but the best could be better that you'd ever imagined. Not taking the opportunity now leaves a question mark forever.
So without ever having talked to him, I sent him an email this morning. I worded it to mostly focus on work, as we're in overlapping industries, but left it open (and dare I say flirty? . . . Who am I kidding, I flirt worse than a piece of lint.), suggesting a fun trip to take when he studies abroad and to keep in touch. No response yet (it's been an hour), but I feel so empowered, just sending the email. Of course, I want something to come of this, but at least I can say I was trying to make it so, not just watching another opportunity go by.
And there you have it, my tales in "just doing." I hope this was helpful or encouraging in some way. If you're stuck like I was (and am, probably, I just don't know it yet), just do it. You have so much more to gain than to lose.
I wish you all the best,
Erin
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