Dear Ex-Best Friend

Hey.

You probably have a lot of questions about why I stopped talking to you. That's understandable, but I ask that you be just as understanding when I explain why. It's been a rough process, and I'm finally ready to tell my half of this story.

When I left for school, I was worried about everything. But one of my biggest fears was losing you. We were so close, and I told you everything. We were like sisters, and I didn't want that to change. And you promised me that it wouldn't. And somehow I never learn not to trust people for their words. That was my first mistake.

I never wanted to tell you how miserable I was, especially because I didn't want to ruin your senior year. Partially my fault, but you know I'm the "don't ask, don't tell" type. I didn't want to bother you; I knew how busy you'd be, and I never wanted to bug you with my little problems. And apparently you never wanted to hear them anyway.

You called me once in the four months I was gone, and texted me a handful of times. I wasn't far, but you never visited me even though you said you wanted to. Distance and little communication became the new normal.

Just after Christmas, you went away for a week. You only talked to me when you needed me, when living with other people was too much. Sound familiar? When you came back, I was at our high school for an event and wanted to meet you to give you your Christmas present. You blew me off. I still have it.

We didn't talk for months after that. The occasional text from you would send me into panic attack. You've seen me in the midst of panic attacks, so my not responding shouldn't be a surprise. Any time I would post pictures with my family or other friends, you would comment things like "I see how it is" or "ouch", and, frankly, it made me feel like crap. I don't need that negativity in my life, and that was the final straw.

Maybe you noticed how weird I was acting when I ran into you at the hair salon. Again, seeing you sent me straight into a panic attack. You accused me of ignoring your texts, which I can imagine only came in the form of group chats when you needed something. You're not totally wrong; I blocked you. I can't live in that panic forever.

Changing is absolutely normal, and we both have. But that change has separated us, and I don't think we can ever go back to the way we were. I don't regret our time spent together, I just don't want to relive it.

"Will you take a moment, promise me this: that you'll stand by me forever, but if, God forbid, fate should step in, and force us into a goodbye, if you have children someday, when they point to the pictures, please tell them my name."

It's been a good run, dear friend, but it's best we left it someplace where it can still be good when we look back on it.

I wish you all the best,
Your Ex-Best Friend